I am feeling strangely shaken by New Year’s eve. I decided not to go out. I decided not to go to one boring party. I also decided not to go to the party I know my ex will be at. I feel like an outcast. It really sucks. I am sitting here listening to a music countdown and doing some work! How lame. It is even lamer than last year.

The only thing that is good about this is that I can wrap up 2022 without seeing or communicating with him. I am sticking with not initiating contact. 2022 was the bad EX year. Next year is a whole new chapter. It is just one night. I don’t know why I am internally annoyed.

Well I do. I always loved this holiday. I used to dress up in sparkly clothing and go out to fun parties. I don’t do that any more but I thought earlier this year that maybe this year I would. That was when everyone was still hanging out in our little group and I didn’t feel the need to stay away.

Sigh. At least I am staying true to my convictions. More than a week since I blocked him and best decision I ever made. There is nothing for me in that relationship. Just heartache, being used, being mistreated, feeling awful, a never ending cycle of pain.