It’s one of those moments where my heart feels like it’s walking on a tightrope. My ex-boyfriend wants us to remain friends.
It’s hard. Harder than I expected. When we decided to part ways, I thought I could handle being friends. We shared so much laughter, secrets, and countless memories. How could I just throw all that away? So, I agreed. I nodded along, pretending it was okay.
But inside, it’s chaos. Every time his name pops up on my phone, my stomach does somersaults. I scroll through our old messages, reading between the lines, trying to find remnants of what we used to be. And it hurts. It hurts because it’s not the same. We’re not the same.
He wants to grab coffee, just like we used to. But how do you sip lattes with someone who knows the contours of your soul and then act like it’s just another casual hangout? How do you laugh at his jokes when each chuckle echoes the ones we shared in the past, ones that belonged to us?
I want to move on. I’m trying. But every time he smiles that familiar smile, a part of me wants to rewind time and hold onto what we had. Being friends feels like a consolation prize, a watered-down version of what once was a vibrant connection.
I know he means well. He doesn’t want to lose me entirely, and maybe he’s hurting too. But his presence now is a constant reminder of what’s lost, what’s changed. And it’s so damn hard to navigate.
They say time heals all wounds. Maybe it will. Maybe one day, I’ll look at him and not feel a tug at my heartstrings. Maybe one day, I’ll sip that coffee and genuinely laugh at his jokes without comparing them to the ones he made just for me.
But for now, I’m struggling. Trying to balance the past with the present, attempting to redefine boundaries that used to be so clear. I want to support him, to be there for him, but I also need to protect myself. And right now, that means stepping back, letting the dust settle, and finding my footing in this new, awkward dance of post-breakup friendship.
So, please understand if I’m distant, if I hesitate to reply, if I need time. It’s not because I don’t care. It’s because caring hurts too damn much right now.