Today I realized every single time we have broken up it was because he was making me feel like he was ashamed of loving me and I broke down because of it. Every. Single. Time. When his parents came to town to visit him for a whole month, the only time I saw him was when they went mall shopping and happened to run into me. I was introduced as a friend from work. But the day they left he showed up wanting to see me.
When a friend from his past came to visit who was a playboy womanizer, the friend would hook up with random women he met at local bars. The only time I saw my ex was after a disastrous night of partying when the friend was off staying the night with one of the women he had met.
I have always fought hard when I felt neglected. Called him out on it. Let him know it wasn’t okay. It led to frequent breakups. Even when things were great between us, I dreaded another heartbreak. Another round of not feeling good enough to be loved.
I’m so angry at myself for the ridiculous excuses I made to myself to get by until the next time.
If you have felt that your EX was ashamed of you, you’re not alone. Welcome to EXaholics, where you are absolutely lovable.