Last week, I had sex with my ex. This was after not seeing each other since our breakup two years ago. We haven’t had contact since. But I have to say that our sex was so damn hot, damn good again, full of passion and feelings… He turns me on like no one else, and it’s the same the other way round too.

Physically, we attract each other like crazy. This is hurting me the most – why is the sex so good, but in other ways we are so bad together? I sometimes feel like he ruined my sex life, because I always think of him in this aspect and compare him to every other sexual experience.

How can I heal myself from this? This is something I really ask myself often. Because you can’t pretend, can you? Also, in the beginning I really felt like I wanted to contact him again, meet again, sleep again with him… but I know, afterwards I would feel bad. And I don´t want to become addicted. So I stay strong, avoid all contact. But it´s hard, it´s mean. I want to be free and healthy, of course. But good sex also is something important in life, something that gives you joy and health, right? So I am confused a lot in this aspect. It´s so hard to accept all these contradictions.