The woman I was dating for 2 years ended our relationship. She had become intimate with someone else–another woman. I am straight and she always claimed to be heterosexual. She went so far as to say she could never be interested in women. And yet, here I am alone because that exact scenario actually played out.

We met over the summer a few years ago. I had seen her several times jogging and one day built up the nerve to talk to her. She lives in the neighborhood just south of me. We had a lot of the same interests. We both love to run, kayak, and hike. We ended up together and after about a year, she started to mention this girl at work she became friendly with. My EX didn’t have a lot of friends, so I encouraged her to make time for her new friend outside of work. Over time they would talk more and more and eventually became friends outside of work. She invited her over to our house for dinner and we kind of all hung out and had a good time. We did that a lot and I really liked her friend. She was cool and brought great energy to the house. And the fact that she was a lesbian made things convenient as there was no sexual tension between her and myself.

The three of us would hang out together often. That went on for a while until at some point they were making plans without me. I wanted to be supportive so I encouraged her. But over time, they started to get feelings for each other. They actually tried to end it several times, but they would eventually come back to each other. I was really starting to feel that I was losing my ex’s attention. She tried to reassure me that she loved me and that she was freaked out by this attraction to her friend, and that we would work things out. I thought about breaking up with her and just letting her go but couldn’t go through with it. But soon after, she made the decision for all three for us. She broke up with me for this girl.

It’s been so hard to process. How did this woman who was so adamantly heterosexual make such a drastic change? Is this really so common. I’m in my 30’s and I’ve been talking to my straight female friends about this. I wondered if they had ever been romantically or sexually attracted to a woman. They all said no but they also said that there’s a connection that happens between women and women that doesn’t happen between men and men or between women and men. A few of them did tell me that they have kissed a woman and enjoyed it.

I’m sure my ex and her girlfriend are having plenty of sex. I’ve been feeling sad and lost.