It has been 18 months and I still cant stop contacting him. The longing builds and builds and then the only way to get any relief is to send off that email…to send off that text message….to non-stop repeatedly look at his Facebook page.

This is the cost of everything. Time at work, time with my kids, time with friends….I cannot seem to stop obsessing. It’s how I came to realize I am an EXaholic.

It is the worst part. My friends and family just say – stop checking his Facebook page. But I can’t seem to. A friend said maybe try not checking it for a week….and that seems very reasonable, until my brain makes up a million excuses.

I check it when I’m driving….I hit refresh 15 times in a row.

Yes – this is an insane issue for me – and I haven’t been able to fix it.

I spoke with him a few days ago…he’s said he loves his new woman….and that he wants to continue not to talk or connect. He is being nice about it compared to other stories I am hearing. But my OCD with this is relentless.

I have contemplated medication – but that is just….lol…crazy. I dont take anything for anything – have always been a fighter.

This ….this….is something I NEED to conquer. I appreciate all the ideas that I have been reading…and think I need to develop a mantra for every time I feel the need…

But I seem so ridiculously wired to the habitual habit of contacting him. And it only gets worse when I say I’m going to stop.

Deep breath.